Anonymous said: So I've been at college about a month now and I met this really great girl. She's super friendly and very chatty. And when we finished a project she hugged me and she touches my shoulder sometimes. So then I ask her out and she tells me she has a boyfriend who goes to this school and is a year older and they've been together 3 years. This bitch. Was coming onto me. At what point do I tell her bf she was cheating by flirting hardcore?!
I really hope you’re trolling me, but I’m going to assume you’re sincere.
Now, I’m not your mom, so I’m not going to sugarcoat this or cut the crusts off for you: Rejection is literally THE most common form of disappointment life has to offer you. Everyone encounters it way more than once. And I know it sucks, but you need to learn to handle it like an adult—or, at least, less like a fucking sociopath.
You liked a girl. She was friendly, maybe flirty toward you but rejected you romantically. The healthy reaction to that is “wow that sucks” and then moving on. You, on the other hand are now raring to break up a 3-year relationship to spitefully punish a girl you’ve known for only a month for not wanting to date you. And, dude, that is Grade-A fucked up.
You’re not owed or entitled to romantic or sexual attention, no matter how much you want it or how much interest another person shows. And even if she’d done the entire project with you from your lap while wearing nothing but La Perla underwear, it still wouldn’t mean that she owed you anything or that you were wronged by not getting it. You liked someone and nothing came of it; welcome to the world.
As for saying something to her boyfriend: even if you’d slept with her, inserting yourself into another person’s relationship would make you an asshole. But she didn’t even cheat. Cheating is an intentional violation of the mutually understood boundaries, trust, and respect within a relationship. Flirting is biological instinct. Without intent, not only is it not cheating, it’s not even a meaningful social interaction. So, even if she did flirt with you, if there was any intent there, you wouldn’t have been hardcore rejected. So quit being a spiteful child, take a deep breath, let go of the disappointment, cowboy the hell up, and move on with your life.